12-step plan to deleting your Facebook
Step 1: Announce to all your friends that you are considering taking the great leap forward and deleting your Facebook account. Explain to them that it’s become a wasteland of fakers, phonies and bipolar megalomaniacs.
Step 2: Copy and paste Step 1 into your status update. Share with friends.
Step 3: “Like” your status.
Step 4: Stare at screen waiting for imminent comments and “likes.” Respond to each comment with a sad face emoticon and dramatic declarations regarding your exodus.
Step 5: Visit Facebook pages of all friends and acquaintances who have not replied to your status update. Copy and paste Step 1 onto their walls.
Step 6: Stalk your crush, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend or current love interest’s Facebook page one last time. Right click and save any incriminating photographs of loved ones in compromising situations.
Step 7: Google “how to delete your Facebook profile.” Learn the difference between deactivating your account (temporary) and permanently deleting it (permanent, no take-backs).
Step 8. Visit the Facebook account deletion page here:
Step 9. Click the “submit” button.
Step 10. Ask yourself, “Are you sure?” Respond accordingly.
Step 11. Take a deep breath. Press “Okay.”
Step 12. Rejoin humanity: Call someone on the phone. Regain use of your voice. High-five someone. Give your mom a hug. Enjoy a meal without taking a photo of it, etc.
