Him: There’s no easy way to say this, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore.
(I don’t like you. You creep me out. You’re too needy.)
Her: Why not?
(I like you so much. I know I creep you out but I need you, a lot.)
Him: It’s not you. It’s me.
(It’s totally you— 100 percent, you.)
(He must have commitment issues.)
Him: I still care about you a lot, but I’m just not ready to give you what you want… what you deserve.
(I’ve already deleted your number from my phone. Facebook is next.)
Her: I love you, though.
(I’m desperate for attention and company. I’ll happily take your shit, even.)
Him: I’m sorry.
(Fuck, get me out of here.)
Her: Do you think there’s a chance later down the road?
(I’m going to wait for you, for all of eternity.)
Him: I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.
(This is great! He loves me! He wants me! I just have to wait.)
Him: But I want us to be friends.
(Would it be weird if I dated your sister?)
Her: Yeah, definitely.
(He loves me.)